beyoncé and jay z are jet skiing through france. you still don’t have health insurance. you are a failure.
one day beyoncé will get a jetski with a sidecar for blue ivy, and then one magical day blue ivy will get a jetski of her very own, and she will also get a tumblr. today is not yet that day.
oh… well, this is awkward. four of us showed up for this fabulous caribbean vacation and there’s only one jet ski! well um, only one of us is sasha fucking fierce, so… i’ll see you guys when i get back! in the meantime, make yourself at home, go ahead and drink something expensive.
this isn’t even a fucking jet ski, and beyoncé is still having a better time than you. also when she’s done with this nonsense she’s getting right back on jay-z’s yacht called ALTITUDE, which is still ten times larger than any apartment building you’ve ever lived in.
according to abundant celebrity gossip websites, jay-z bought beyoncé an island for her 29th birthday. you just know this chick is jet skiing all the way the fuck around that island all damn day, while you sell all your belongings on ebay and cry into your ramen noodles.
beyoncé fell off her jet ski. BUT SHE’S OK!!!!
at this very moment, jay z is sunning himself on the deck of his yacht, and you are counting out the quarters you found under the couch so you’ll be able to buy a can of goya beans at the bodega.
while this photo is being taken, this woman is making more money in royalties than you will ever make in your entire life.